Realizing our Self-Esteem

I was told by my therapist about my low self-esteem. At the time, I did not know self-esteem was a “thing” to describe human behavior, even more so to dissect or understand one’s mental health. I have always thought about self-esteem as a virtue. A virtue that describes a person. Perhaps that is why I was so offended when she told me I have low self-esteem, because, by default, I instantly thought that she was telling me I was defective, that I was not enough (irony, anyone?)

But now I know, how we think about ourselves, literally makes up the world we live in. Isn’t it scary that every time we turn on the news there is some sort of violence and discord happening around the world? As we look deeper, these people all have their perceptions of themselves and the world they live in, thus they act as if that world is crashing down, and their reactions are destruction. By no means I am indicating those of us who have unhealthy self-esteem are all destructive, however, it serves us to understand that our perception of ourselves matters in changing as little as our lives, and as big as the world.

Once I knew about my tendency to lessen my self-worth, I set out to seek healthy development to live a joyful, flourishing life. It led me here to share my experiences and wisdom with you. But I did ask for help. On the other hand, there are still so many people out there who live under the undiscovered disguise of themselves without ever seeking or being offered help, how will they (you) ever know? Well, it is really up to us to advocate for healthy self-esteem, and we can start with ourselves, then spread our experience of growth with confidence and enlighten the world around us.

I would like to share two different approaches to discovering our self-concept, one is from personal observation and experiences, and the other is from outside resources:

Self-esteem from personal observation and experiences:

• Are your action determined by fear, or by courage?

• Do you instantly go to worst-case scenarios when something unexpected happens?

• Do you usually think when something is wrong, you are responsible in some way?

• Are you willing to set healthy boundaries? Or do you often feel people stepping all over you? And do you speak up when that happens?
  

Self-esteem from outside resources:

Through online testing: I was amazed by how accessible it is to figure out our self-esteem. But the important note isn’t how accessible the tests are, it is how unaware we are of the impact of self-esteem, which plays a big role in our happiness. Just like an old dog would have never known playing the lie-down trick can earn him some yummy treats, we simply do not know there is a concept out there waiting for us to unwrap!

Simply google “how to determine my self-esteem” and there are many tests out there helping us figure ourselves out. I did this search and one of the top tests is called the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale. Here is a link to an example of the test: https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/RSE.php. This test was widely researched and broadly used by psychologists and scholars. And to be completely honest with you, before writing the book about self-esteem, I had never given myself a test, because I had already witnessed the correlation between my self-esteem and behaviors, as well as the fruitions of working on a healthy self-concept, I did not even think about taking a test.

Here are a couple of personal, and untested opinions about the Rosenberg Self-Esteem test: if you are new and a novice about self-worth, self-concept, and self-awareness, this test is a great starter. In my observation, taking this test, demonstrates questions that were asked by a psychologist holding a clipboard and going down a list. All these questions, such as “Do you think highly of yourself?” cannot simply be explained and rated by highly unlikely, unlikely, likely, and highly likely. It was hard for me to take this test because it made me feel like I was being put in a box and categorized without being able to explain my reasoning.

Talk to someone: They can be a therapist, a psychologist, or your primary care doctor. But do not settle until you find the one who truly understands you and is not gun-ho on prescribing you any medications. This is the part I am wary of the most is about seeing someone in the Western world. A few years ago, as I moved to a new city in hopes of starting fresh, my primary care doctor referred me to a psychologist because I shared that I would like to talk to someone about my extreme anxiety and possible depression, and my first session with my new psychologist consisted of him looking down his clipboard and rating my answers, and ended with him giving me a blanket response like “we will work on these concerns” and asked, “do you want any medications?”

Be bold! Go for a psychic or an energy healer, an acupuncturist who focuses on relieving your pain (emotional and physical) with a holistic method! Maybe you are skeptical, but at least they will be empathetic and compassionate about your problems, and isn’t this all we want? For someone to listen and a bonus for making us feel better without any added stress to our bodies?

Realizing our self-esteem is a big deal! The best thing is, we can stay right where we are if we are comfortable with our lives. But the truth is, once we realize our self-concept, we will strive to maintain a version of ourselves that is courageous, worthy, and secure: that is called being human.