The Time is Now: making a habit to mindfully navigate through uncertainties

I will admit, two years ago, I would have been the last person you wanted advice about mindfulness, meditation, and balanced life. Sadly, I have been, and probably still am, the poster child for over preparing, over analyzing, and over achieving. But! I am here to tell you, it does not have to be this way, and every little change of habits, can change your life....little by little.

15 years ago, I moved from Taiwan to The United States for the "American Dream." The way I was brought up in my culture, the hardships I have encountered in a foriegn country are the reasons I rose and fell, and rose again.

From outside looking in, I am this badass boss babe, who has no fear for whatever comes her way. In seven years, I was promoted once a year, I moved around the country and lived in some world class destinations, including Hawaii. Sounds amazing, doesn't it? It was not until the last two years of hustling or so, I realized my success was tied to my extreme anxiety (that tries to be perfect) and my low self esteem. Thank you Brene Brown.

It was a very forceful realization at the age of 35. I had all the things I could have in the world, I traveled anywhere I dreamed to twice a year, and still had a pretigious job when I got back. But outside of these thrills, the moving, the travelling, the hustling, the adreneadrenaline rushing fun, I somehow still felt "diminished."

And I woke up one morning in panic, uttering "I am turing 36, WTF am I doing with my life?" Some would blame that to the mid life crisis. Sure. We as human usually come to a set "person" when we reached 35 (research shows,) but what if what you see is not what you want? I definitely did not. I never felt safe, I never felt loved (by myself or by significant others) and I never felt enough.

That was when I decided to break free. Free from self limiting beliefs, free from feeling not being enough (still a work in progress) and free from my desire to be seen as a certain successful image. Mind you, this did not come easy. Before the realization, I started binge reading some inspiring books such as everything Brene Brown has written, as well as Dr. Joe Dispenza's Becoming Supernatural, and Breaking the Habits of Being Yourself. I was amazed how my life changed by understanding the connection between our subconscious mind, and our behaviors. My life changed forever.

With the books, and the determination of living a life that is meaningful to ME, I am now able to slowly adjusting, slowly changing my habits, and slowly feeling joy and and calmness in my life. 5 years ago, I would have never thought "calmness" is the way of life. I lived for the thrill, the hustle and bustle of the luxurious hospitality work. If it was not chaotic, I would not have felt alive. Sounds familiar?

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So here it is........what do I mean by changing the habits? I do not have a step by step tutorial for us to follow. I can only remember, before all the anxiety, depression, low self esteem started, I was fearless and cool as a cucumber for "unforeseen" obsticles. That in fact, was one of the reasons why I developed anxiety, because of my coolness and free spirits, I MESSED UP, and I leanred the hard way. But the trick is to find balance between planned and unplanned. I am working my way to find that balance. And everyday is a new day to try.

As a starter, I started meditation. Again, never in a million years I would think this was the solution, because I could NEVER sit still. (we will talk more about how my ADHD affected my life) Now I look forward to the time at night before going to bed, for that five minutes of being present in my being, and falling asleep naturally. The fear of quietness surrounding us and fear of not being able to relax (because of the mind is opening 10 differnt tabs before we go to bed) is real, and by practicing 2 minutes intentional breathing before bed nightly, you might just find the calmness you have been searching for.

In between my morning meditation, an unexpected blow up in emotions during the day (which now these triggers are easier to identify, and navigate), and my nightly meditation before bed, I slowly find that being uncertain, and letting things go (not not standing up for yourself, but letting unnecessary thought patterns go) have helped me sleep better at night, and more restful to face my daily challenges.

I still have no fears for whatever comes my way, but in a way that I do not have to plan for the defense, all I am doing, is to embrace the uncertainties and I actually find a lot more joy in doing so.

Are you ready to make a small change in your life? The time is now :)